I have felt a little lost without you over the past few years.
Sure, we had our fair share of arguments and fights, but we always moved forward and on and past them.
Until that one.
6yeas (spelling on purpose), we both had a lot of growing up to do.
You didn’t understand what I was going through, and I didn’t understand what you were.
Because even though we communicated, our communication had changed.
I just wanted you to understand that you didn’t have to question if I was your friend or still cared just because I grew terrible at responding.
I was fighting my own insecurities and battles and didn’t take time to acknowledge or help with yours.
So many people didn’t fully understand what I was going through, but the one friend who had always been there for me I took for granted.
Did you know that we would have been friends for 20 years at this point? Twenty.
But, choices were made, words were said, and that is that.
I feel like I’ve been through two divorces in my life.
It is like a living death. I know you are out there still living on this earth, but our friendship and ties were completely severed.
My heart has broken so many times because I couldn’t talk to you.
I couldn’t be there for you when your mom was sick.
I couldn’t be there for you when she passed away.
I couldn’t be there for you when you went through your divorce.
I couldn’t be there for you in the sad times or the happy times.
The truth is that we probably started to push each other away long before that.
I didn’t really understand just how valuable our friendship was. I thought I did, but I didn’t really.
I’ve found myself telling so many young girls, “When you have a friend like that, hang on to them. Don’t let them go.”
I wish I could just ask you how you are doing.
I’m not the same person I was then. Neither of us are. Life has changed us both.
I have shed so many tears because you did not want to talk to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. My whole life I’ve been able to fix things, but the past few years have not been that way.
I wish I had you to talk to.
I wish I could tell you what all has gone on in my life. How things are. The good things. The bad things. I wish I had you to talk all the things out with.
I still have all of our letters stashed in my storage building. We were such nerds back then.
I reached out to you not long ago and my insides were literally crushed when you told me to stay out of your life.
I guess I just really never thought we would reach this point. I always thought we would still be friends when we were old.
Choices always have consequences.
I still remember that day we had that last argument. There was so much going on. My life was such a mess.
I thought we would just get over it.
Here we are almost 6 years later, and still nothing.
I don’t know if you will ever read this, but I hope if you do, that it finds you well.
I hope you are happy.
I hope you laugh often.
I hope you are still painting and writing and dreaming.
I hope you are healthy.
I hope you have kept that daring, brave, bold personality.
I hope this world hasn’t been too unkind to you.
I hope you have peace and are taken care of.
I found our pictures the other day from one of my trips out there. Remember when we went shopping and you introduced me to bubble tea? And when we modeled those hats for that little store?
Life has moved on. Maybe it is better this way. Maybe we were better off not being friends. I don’t really know.
I just know that I wish I could talk to you one more time…..
But since I can’t, just know that I miss you, and I wish you well.
Always and forever.